I got ghosted by a guy! But why?

“Help! I just got ghosted by a guy and don’t know why!“

That was me once, wondering why a guy suddenly vanished without a trace, leaving me pondering what I did wrong. If a guy has just ghosted you, don’t worry girlfriend, I’ve got your back!

This article will address ten reasons why he may have ghosted you and more importantly – what to do about it.

But first, let’s rewind to the beginning…

The beginning of a new romance

Everything seems perfect. The horoscopes match, the butterflies are fluttering, and a simple message from him can make you grin more than a little kid on Christmas morning.

You find yourself daydreaming of what it would be like to be with them. Then before you know it, you’re thinking about names for your future babies (who are super adorable!).

Your last date went well, and you both agreed to meet again.

Then…

You message him soon after, gushing about how much fun you had and that you can’t wait to hang out again.

A couple of hours with no reply turns into a couple of days, and the fantasies about your future life together are suddenly overshadowed by excuses for why he hasn’t messaged you back.

“Oh well, they must be busy at work,” you think, or “they must be somewhere where there’s no reception”. Days turn into a week, and you’re now realizing that you’ll probably never see that person again.

You realize that, yup! “I got ghosted by a guy!”

But why?

What is ghosting someone?

Ghosting has no discrimination against any gender. It’s a term that pretty much means disconnecting with someone cold turkey without talking to them and ignoring responsibility for the other person’s feelings while they are left to ponder their silent rejection.

Living as a millennial in an age where everything seems more disposable, I realized the same goes for dating. When I got ghosted for the first time, I naively didn’t know that it’s now considered normal social behavior.

Whatever happened to old-fashioned communication face to face? The gentle fade out, or the “Let’s just be friends” (which we all know is code for “I’m just not that into you, and I’ll probably never see you again“). But at least there’s some comfort and closure in those little white lies.

The ouch factor in ghosting

There are of course different levels of ghosting in the dating world today, and the “ouch” factor depends on how much time and emotions were invested in the first place.

Suppose you’re dating online, such as Tinder, Bumble, or various other dating apps, and you’re still in the talking phase, and he suddenly pulls a Houdini. In that case, that’s nothing to lose sleep over as it’s still on a superficial level, where any initial feelings are probably based on some flirty small talk and a few filtered images.

But when things have been going smoothly for weeks, and you’ve got two or three dates under your belt,(not to mention the endless chats on social media) and in your mind, you’ve entered the “seeing each other” phase of a potential relationship – then shit can get personal when they decide to ghost you.

They leave the door wide open on their quick exit out, leaving you with no closure and just a few empty feelings of insecurity, humiliation, and shame. The mind can go into analytical overdrive with questions like “Was it what I wore”? “What I said”? “Am I not pretty enough, funny enough”? “Do I smell”? Like, throw me a freakin’ bone here!

Possible reasons why a guy has ghosted you

1. You came across as too clingy

Let’s face it. No one likes a stage-five clinger. Don’t get desperado on them; they’ll smell it a mile away and run for the hills.

Remember, independence is attractive!

If you’ve messaged them after a date, and they don’t message you back after 72 hours, it’s unlikely you’re on their priority list (unless they’ve been kidnapped). The best thing to do is not to message them again until they message you back.

2. You jumped in too soon

Attraction and chemistry between the two of you are on fire. The online build-up was intense, but when you start dating in person, the expectations don’t match up, and well, expectations are a bitch.

When you start dating, ensure you’re giving the best version of yourself, as the old saying “first impressions last” does pack some truth in it. In saying that, don’t try to be someone you’re not.

3. Things got sexual too fast

Now if you’re only after a one-night stand or a quick fling, then getting hot and heavy after a short amount of banter and a few drinks is fine if that’s your prerogative.

But if you’re on the dating scene and want something more substantial, then there’s got to be some chase in the beginning.

The best foundation for any potential relationship isn’t your bed base. So if the initial connection is there, put some time and effort into getting to know each other first. Build some trust and connection. It’ll be that much better when you finally hit the home run.

4. The little turn-offs

The little habits that can turn anyone off can be as small as how they eat their food, smell, odd hygiene habits, talk to the waiters that serve them or just some plain weird shit that’s an instant deal-breaker.

I dated a guy I liked initially, but one night I met him at the bar where he was celebrating his birthday with his friends, I hadn’t met. He didn’t introduce me to anyone, let alone talk to me, which left me in an awkward situation.

Because I value manners in a person, I knew it would not end well. And, well, the visions of him slurring his words right before a drunken faceplant just kinda turned me off!

6. He’s a player

Some men (and women) are just looking for fun and to see how much fish they can catch before they’re ready to catch the big one! A relationship isn’t their prerogative, and they probably date multiple people simultaneously.

There’s nothing wrong with dating a player, as they have their place if you know what you’re in for. But to avoid being played yourself, it’s best to read the signs early.

7. He doesn’t like you

Okay, “maybe they don’t like you” is a little harsh. They hardly know you, right? Maybe they didn’t see it going anywhere. That’s human nature, and it probably wasn’t meant to be anyway.

8. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings

It’s not that the guy is a jerk. He may not want to hurt your feelings. They may also feel that the quick fling wasn’t enough to justify an awkward confrontation that could cause some unwanted drama in their life.

9.  He’s not ready

Perhaps they’re just testing the waters without wanting to dive right in. They may have come out of a long-term relationship, they’re busy with their career, or they decide they are not ready.

10. He’s dead!

Okay, ladies, we’ve got to cover all bases here. Maybe he’s not M.I.A. but just R.I.P?

What to do when you are ghosted by a guy?

1. Ask yourself what did you lose?

After I got ghosted by a guy, I asked myself this question.

Was it the guy himself or the idea of the guy I lost? Was it the butterflies, the attention, or the fictional babies I had lost?

Sometimes it’s not the literal situation that can make us feel unwanted and rejected. Still, what that situation triggers within our deep subconscious triggers all our other experiences of feeling rejected.

Once you get clear and stop projecting the subconscious past experiences onto this one, you’ll be able to see the experience for what it is and take it less personally.

2. Be proud you put yourself out there

It’s better to experience and “fail” than not, right? It all makes for a good chapter in your book of life and can even inspire a blog post. 😉

3. Invest in yourself

Instead of wasting energy on someone who doesn’t see your worth, create your self-worth by investing your energy into the most important person in your life, you!

Create more value in your life by doing the things you love. Learn new skills, and take up new hobbies. Do anything that makes you happy and provides more value to your life.

4. Be happy you dodged someone who can’t man up

What does ghosting say about a man?

Even if it was only a few dates before you got ghosted, manners and integrity signify a real man or woman. You don’t want to date someone who can’t hold themselves accountable.

If you experienced this behavior earlier, imagine what he could have been like further into the relationship. You got let off the hook!  No more time wasted.

Time to grab your bestie and celebrate with a bottle of wine! (or two).

5. Laugh!

Live, learn and LAUGH! Sometimes it’s best to look at our lives like a rom-com. Some chapters are funnier than others, and some people are meant for cameo appearances only.

Don’t take everything so seriously, and look forward to the next exciting chapter in your life that has the potential for a way better leading man. (Just cast your characters a bit better next time aye.) 😉

Do guys that ghost come back?

Why, yes they do! When I got ghosted by a guy (there’s been a few mmkay), it was only a matter of weeks before he came back.

If, for whatever reason, this guy tries to glide their ghosty ass back through your door like nothing ever happened, set your boundaries straight away, as your curiosity to find closure from them could put you back in a vulnerable position to be ghosted again.

A guy willing to lose you in the first place isn’t worth your time; in my experience, they will do it again. Respect yourself more than him. By doing so, you’ll be much happier!

I got ghosted by a guy, and I don’t care!

There are many reasons why a guy will ghost you; some are much less harmless than we think. However, overanalyzing our silent rejection isn’t help us forward our game.

Being ghosted isn’t fun, and it’s natural to care if you do. However, I hope after reading this, you will take the power back. Move on with your fabulous self and seek someone who knows your value right off the bat!

Focus on what you can control and move on cause no one’s got time to mope around after someone who doesn’t mope after you.

Once a ghost, always a ghost, and a relationship with a dead person ain’t going nowhere.

Take back your power, find closure, and shut the door yourself.

And LOCK it!

What are some of your own experiences with being ghosted by a guy? I’d love to read them down below!